Five Powerful Estate Planning Moves: Because a Mess Isn’t the Legacy You Want to Leave

“I can’t wait to talk about my death and plan for it,” said nobody, ever.

Still, if you check out without a plan, your loved ones won’t just be grieving—they’ll be grumbling. Nothing says “mom’s final gift” like a messy estate, surprise debt, and a family feud worthy of a Netflix miniseries. Unless you want your legacy to be resentment and probate court, it’s time to get your act together.

But Wait … It’s So Hard

We get it—talking about death is a vibe killer. “People put off estate planning because talking about death feels like tempting fate—like if you say it out loud, you’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow,” said Attorney Amber Saunders, president of The Saunders Firm in Atlanta. “But planning for the inevitable doesn’t make it come any sooner. It just forces you to confront uncomfortable questions: Who do I trust? Who will care for me? Who do I want to leave things to—and why? And that means reevaluating relationships, regrets, and sometimes your whole life.”

Men and women approach estate planning very differently, too. According to a 2025 survey by Trust & Will, women are more likely to be driven by caregiving responsibilities, emotional security, and big life moments—think marriage, babies, or becoming the default family glue. Men, meanwhile, are focused on asset protection, tax breaks, and whatever their financial guy told them over scotch.

And here’s where it really goes sideways: Just 13 percent of women say they feel “very knowledgeable” about estate planning, compared to 22 percent of men. Nearly one in five women admit they’re not knowledgeable at all—double the rate of men.

That confidence gap shows up in execution. While 38 percent of women say they plan to create an estate plan within five years, only 6 percent currently have a trust. Men? They’re three times more likely to already have one in place.

Bottom line: It’s time to flip the script, and stop ghosting your future.

Here are five powerful estate planning moves that will make you Mom of the Year in this lifetime and beyond:

Power Move 1: Get Bossy About Your Body and Bank Account

According to Mari Adam, a certified financial planner based in Boca Raton, Florida, the biggest mistake women make isn’t about money—it’s about trust. “They’ll say, ‘I don’t know who to name,’ so they name no one,” she explained. “Then something happens, and the result is a legal and emotional mess.”

Whether it’s a health care proxy, a financial power of attorney, or the executor of your will, just choose someone. Ideally, it’s someone who won’t ghost your creditors or faint at the word “probate.”

And at the minimum, make a will now, because you might die in your 50s—not when you’re in your 70s or beyond.

Also, think long and hard before naming co-executors. Anne Jackson* was left tangled in a co-everything arrangement with her sister after their father’s death. “Every decision had to go through both of us, and she was trying to micromanage everything from another state,” Jackson said. The result? Sibling drama, delayed decisions, and emotional landmines at every turn. The sisters’ relationship never recovered.

Power Move 2: Update Your Beneficiaries—Before Your Ex Gets Everything

Saunders said one of the most common estate planning mistakes she sees is outdated beneficiary forms, especially after major life events like divorce. “Even if your will says something different, that outdated beneficiary form overrides it in some states, such as Georgia,” she explained.

Tracy Craig, partner and chair of the Trusts and Estates Practice Group at Seder & Chandler LLP in Worcester, Massachusetts, recommends reviewing your designations every couple of years or whenever you have a major life change—a marriage, divorce, new grandbaby, or loss.

Power Move 3: Trusts—Your Legal Middle Finger to Probate

Trusts are for anyone who values privacy and speed, and hopefully to avoid probate—not just for the ultra-rich. Adam said fees to set up a trust in South Florida start at $2,000, but vary depending on where you’re located.

“A common option is a revocable living trust, which gives you control while you’re alive and keeps things efficient and private when you’re gone,” said Craig.

Some considerations:

• Trusts are especially important for single women, blended families, and if you have a child with special needs,” said Adam. She shares a real-life horror story: “A woman with two kids was married, and she died, leaving everything to her husband. The husband remarried. When he died, he left everything to his wife, who is the stepmother to his children. But the stepmother also had two kids of her own, and when she died, she made sure that all the money went to her own kids, leaving the original woman’s kids out on the street.”
• A very common mistake, said Saunders, is not funding your trust. “Just listing the assets you want included isn’t enough,” she said. “You need to do the paperwork to move each asset from your name to the trust name. Otherwise, no matter what the trust document says, the trust doesn’t own your assets when you die, and it goes through probate.”

Power Move 4: Don’t Leave Your Assets—Digital or Otherwise—Up for Grabs

Let’s get real: If you die without leaving a clear roadmap to your finances, you’re setting your loved ones up for a high-stakes treasure hunt—minus the treasure. Saunders shared a particularly brutal story: a widow locked out of her late husband’s crypto account because no one knew the password. A year later, those six figures are still floating in cyberspace.

“Digital assets and accounts are often forgotten in the estate planning process,” said Adam. These include everything from email, social media, and online banking to investment platforms and crypto.

That’s why you need to assemble what I call your Binder of Badass Preparedness (don’t worry, it can be a secure digital folder too). At minimum, include:

• A list of digital and other assets and accounts, with usernames, passwords, and contact info
• Key documents: will, living will, trusts, financial and medical powers of attorney
• Prepaid funeral arrangements (burial plots, cremation plans, anything already paid for)
• Insurance policies (life, car, pet—you name it)
• Certificates (birth, marriage, divorce, prenup, etc.)
• ID copies: medical card, driver’s license, Social Security card
• Titles to property and vehicles
• Last year’s tax return

Keep it somewhere secure. Fireproof case? Great. Encrypted digital file? Also great. Just make sure your people know where it is and how to get to it. Because when the worst happens, you don’t want them grieving and guessing.

Power Move 5: Save the Surprises for Parties

A surprise gift from a friend? Love it. A surprise twist in a will? Not so much. Sure, it might feel awkward to talk about who gets what when you’re gone, but it’s a heck of a lot better than leaving your loved ones with shock, confusion, or a holiday dinner that turns into a hostile takeover. We’ve all seen it—or lived it: families torn apart by unexpected wills and blindsiding estate decisions.

Leave Love, Not Legal Nightmares

Estate planning isn’t exactly sexy, but neither is your daughter fighting your son over who gets the vacation condo. Taking the time to plan now means your people can mourn you without also cursing your name.

But here’s what nobody talks about: Who are you really protecting with all this planning? Your kids who barely call? The husband who still thinks you’ll handle everything forever? Or are you finally, for once, protecting yourself—your choices and values—even after you’re gone?

And what does it say about us that we’re more comfortable planning everyone else’s comfort than demanding our own financial confidence right now?

Maybe the most radical thing you can do isn’t just getting your affairs in order—it’s getting your life in order while you’re still living it.

Give them clarity, not chaos. And give yourself agency, not anxiety. Because the best parting gift you can leave behind isn’t your jewelry or your house—it’s the knowledge that you lived and planned your life entirely on your terms.

*Anne Jackson is a pseudonym to protect her privacy