Baby boomer women—trailblazing architects of second-wave feminism—created opportunities that their mothers couldn’t even dream about, and their daughters often take for granted. Yet, mention the word “feminist” at a brunch table full of boomers, and you might be met with polite silence, a raised eyebrow, or even an outright, “Oh, I’m not one of those.”

Wait, what? These are the same boomer generation women who marched, sued, fought, and clawed their way into spaces that were never meant for them.

So why does the label feel so uncomfortable for many of us to claim? It’s a complicated question with no simple answer. To understand, we must examine our inherited cultural norms, the contradictions we have lived through, and the generational tensions that still linger.

A Foundation Built on Apron Strings

Boomer women grew up in the shadow of the Silent Generation, where societal norms were written in stone—like my father’s name on the mortgage because my mother couldn’t legally co-sign. These were the Good Housekeeping years: homey kitchens, cocktail hours, and chicken casseroles baked to perfection. Women who stepped outside the domestic sphere were seen as “eccentric.”

But here’s where it gets interesting: A growing cry for change came alongside these strict domestic ideals. The world started saying, “Hey, you can have it all.” To which boomer women like me yelled, “Sign me up!” without realizing that that outcry came with consequences.

This tension between our mothers’ domestic handbook and the lure of liberation left deep imprints that shaped our views on success, relationships, and what it meant to be a woman.

Breaking Barriers, Juggling Roles: The Myth of ‘Having It All’

Second-wave feminism smashed barriers in workplaces, bedrooms, and the legal system. I fought through some of these barriers as a young engineer designing aircraft carriers and submarines. Careers without forfeiting your identity? Sign me up!

But there was a catch: Boomer women were still expected to juggle traditional roles while pursuing career success. Cue the myth of “having it all”—equal parts tantalizing and torturous. Fighting for being taken seriously at work meant being judged for showing up at PTA meetings with store-bought cookies. Many of us felt trapped in a no-win game of ambition versus societal guilt.

The Feminism and Feminist Paradox: Actions Speak Louder than Labels

Even while fighting for feminist ideals, many boomer women, like myself, have a complicated relationship with the label. To some, “feminist” brings up images of angry protesters or being called “unfeminine” for their ambition. To others, it feels like a betrayal of the family values we were raised with.

It’s the ultimate feminist paradox: believing in equality but hesitating to claim the identity that represents it. Who can blame us? Being the “first woman” in any space—whether as a ship designer, my first job out of college, a corporate exec, or a lawyer—was more about survival than slogans. Looking back, we see those moments as personal triumphs, not feminist milestones.

What’s a Feminist? Why the ‘Man-Hating’ Myth Still Haunts Us

During the Reagan era, feminists were portrayed as bitter, lonely, and man-hating—women no man would want. These stereotypes didn’t just dismiss our hard-earned work; they brought on division, forcing women like me to make a choice. The second wave’s stance felt jarring compared to the first wave’s solidarity. Who were we fighting—inequality or men themselves?

The rhetoric around “man-hating” felt deeply uncomfortable. I grew up believing that feminism was about opportunity and fairness, not anger. But looking back, I can see how the media’s framing warped my perception. I bought into the idea that calling myself a feminist might make me seem radical, so I distanced myself from the label.

At the time, I was too focused on my career and settling into married life to critically examine these narratives. It’s clear now that this was a deliberate strategy by patriarchal systems to delegitimize the movement. Feminists weren’t angry at men; they were angry at a system designed to hold them back. But the media twisted that anger into something personal, making it easier to dismiss us.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I can see why I shied away for so long. The answers? Media control and the patriarchy. Shocking, I know.

Recent studies suggest that the “man-hater” dialogue is all myth. By intentionally focusing on extreme behaviors and feminist actions, the media reinforced stereotypes made it challenging for many of us to identify with the movement. This tactic worked. It misrepresented the goals of feminism and discouraged our participation.

These negative portrayals were not accidental but were rooted in patriarchal efforts to preserve male dominance. By casting feminists in a negative light, patriarchal institutions sought to maintain the status quo.

Understanding this dynamic is crucial for recognizing the feminist movement’s resilience and the ongoing need to challenge misrepresentations that continue to influence perceptions today.

This hesitation becomes even more complicated when viewed through the lens of today’s feminism. The conversations have shifted, the goals have evolved, and new frameworks have emerged—ones that feel both groundbreaking and, at times, foreign to those of us who fought under a different banner.

Today: When Modern Feminism Feels Like a Foreign Language

Feminism has evolved. Today, concepts like intersectionality, gender fluidity, and systemic privilege dominate the conversation. Take Kimberlé Crenshaw’s concept of intersectionality, introduced in 1989. It’s a framework that recognizes how overlapping aspects of identity—like race, gender, and class—intersect to create unique experiences of oppression or privilege.

It’s groundbreaking because it shifts the conversation from “equality for all women” to a more nuanced understanding of how inequalities differ depending on someone’s social context. For boomer women, who often defined feminism in terms of broad goals like equal pay or workplace rights, this level of complexity can feel unfamiliar from their lived experiences.

The Generational Tug-of-War: Progress vs. Gratitude

And then there’s the generational tension that complicates the dialogue. Younger feminists often side-eye boomers for clinging to traditional values or sidestepping modern issues. Boomers, in turn, see this as ungrateful, like their sacrifices are being dismissed. Throw in some TikTok trends mocking boomers, and you have a full-blown culture clash.

But let’s be clear: The judgment cuts both ways. Boomers sometimes dismiss younger feminists as entitled or too focused on “theory.” At the same time, millennials and Gen Z accuse boomers of being stuck in their ways. This cycle of frustration fuels the divide when what we need is a bridge.

Can We Meet in the Middle?

Here’s the good news: There’s more common ground than either side wants to admit. Feminism, at its core, is about progress. And progress doesn’t happen without understanding where we’ve been.

Boomer women may not resonate with the language of intersectionality, but our lived experiences are textbook examples of overlapping oppressions. Similarly, younger feminists can help boomers see that growth doesn’t mean erasing their contributions but building on them.

Let’s make this clear: Feminism isn’t a checklist, and it’s definitely not a destination. It’s a process—a messy, glorious, frustrating process.

Boomer women may never fully embrace the feminist label, and that’s fine. Their actions already spoke volumes. We broke ceilings, held open doors, and left some walls intact. Maybe it’s our turn to help them tear those down.

Feminism: A New Call to Action

Feminism needs everyone. Together, we can honor past battles while creating a future where everyone—boomers, Gen X, millennials, and beyond—sits at the table.

Now, let’s start building that bridge.

Do you consider yourself a feminist—with or without hesitation?