A few months ago, I stumbled upon a heated Facebook discussion in my community. The conversation revolved around what some parents in their 30s and 40s referred to as the “old people” in the neighborhood. Many felt that seniors should move out, and into senior communities, arguing that their needs and preferences were taking precedence over those of younger families.

But what started as a few frustrated comments quickly snowballed into an anti-senior movement.

“It feels like we’re in the wrong neighborhood—this isn’t kid-friendly, just a place for retirees,” one person wrote.

“There is an attack on kids and young families in this neighborhood,” wrote another.

“These old people have nothing better to do but walk around and report infractions,” added one more.

Some even called for action: “We need to push the HOA about the number of children in our community and change the tide of anti-kid attitudes … How many retirees own four, five, six-bedroom houses?”

The most common complaint was that younger families were too busy to participate in decision-making committees, giving older residents more influence. “A lot of young families feel like decisions are being made by an older population who have more representation at meetings—but not by choice.”

An example of this was: “We lost our child-watch (program) but got new pickleball courts and a dog park. A bunch of 60+ people are deciding what’s important for young families.”

(For the record, the dog park is mostly dirt.)

What disturbed me the most was the repeated suggestion that older people should move into age-restricted communities, isolating them from younger families. This, they claimed, was the answer to all the problems.

I had heard about generational tensions in big cities due to housing shortages, but in my planned community, there was plenty of housing. The idea that people over a certain age should live only with their peers was alarming—especially since, as people age, they tend to move less, preferring to stay where they have established communities. So I created a post of my own, summarizing the discussion, and asking for people to provide their take on it all.

The responses were immediate and intense. This wasn’t just about neighborhood politics—it revealed deep-seated frustration on both sides.

What Younger Families and Older Residents Get Wrong About Each Other

“I see many boomers as incredibly self-directed and focused on personal fulfillment,” said one GenXer, who preferred to remain anonymous. “A lot of them prioritize travel, dancing, hiking, and other experiences that bring them joy. There’s nothing wrong with that—it’s great to live a full life—but sometimes it feels like community involvement and supporting younger generations take a back seat. Striking a balance between personal freedom and giving back could create a stronger, more connected society for everyone.

I see my own parents, who were part of the Greatest Generation, as models in this respect. They were really selfless and were always doing things for others, such as delivering meals to shut-ins, organizing paper drives, and raising money for The American Heart Association. I grew up in a farming community and doing things for your neighbors was the norm, because certain aspects of farming need many hands. I really think that, in today’s economy, being much more community-minded and helping each other out needs to make a comeback.”

Christina McMenemy, another GenXer, shared a similar sentiment: “In an ideal world, seniors with more time would give back to the community. Parenting is so much more intensive now, especially as people relocate away from extended family. We need the experience and care of the older generation to fill the gaps. In return, the younger generation could help care for seniors. But we need a movement to encourage community-building.”

But what do older people owe younger parents? Some baby boomers chimed in.

Beth Segal countered: “About 75 percent of my senior women friends worked full time while raising families. When are they supposed to prioritize themselves? I guess never.”

Regarding the idea that seniors should sell their homes to make way for younger families, she added, “Makes me want to ensure that when I die, my stepkids don’t sell to anyone under 50.”

Some argued that younger people needed to step up rather than complain.

“Aren’t they being a bit whiny?” said Martha Radley. “Join, get active, use your voice.”

Beatriz Terrazas, who considers herself to be a part of Generation Jones—a subset of boomers born between 1954 and 1965—expanded on this sentiment: “I would LOVE to have younger people on my boards! Bring it! We have the same five people doing the work all the time. Time is made for things that matter, so step up and get involved.”

Others pointed out specific issues with decision-making imbalances.

Constant Albertson noted: “I’ve been to school board meetings where older adults vote against much-needed budget raises. I understand that some are on fixed incomes, but we need a more community-minded approach.”

The Cost of Segregating Communities by Age

Separating generations based on age isn’t a solution—it creates new problems. It suggests that older people aren’t valued, raising unsettling questions about how society judges individuals at different life stages.

According to an article in The Gerontological Society of America: “Each generational label carries meanings that obscure major differences in outlooks and experiences. Millennials are criticized for being ‘snowflakes,’ baby boomers for being self-centered, and Generation Z for being emotionally fragile. These labels pit generations against each other.”

Isolation, unless necessary for safety, has never led to anything good.

The World Health Organization (WHO) warns: “Among older people, ageism is associated with poorer physical and mental health, increased social isolation and loneliness, greater financial insecurity, decreased quality of life, and premature death. An estimated 6.3 million cases of depression globally are linked to ageism.”

Segregating communities by age only serves to foster stereotypes, misunderstanding, and resentment.

It’s not rocket science. What we need is to encourage intergenerational interaction, which is a fancy way of saying: TALK to each other.

What Successful Intergenerational Communities Teach Us

Here are some communities that have found ways to integrate generations with positive results.

Hope Meadows in Chicago, Illinois, where seniors, foster families, and children live together, supporting one another.

Humanitas in the Netherlands, where college students live rent-free in senior homes in exchange for companionship.

Judson Manor in Cleveland, Ohio, a retirement home that has an Artist-in-Resident program that enables students to receive complimentary living accommodations in exchange for cultural programming.

Multiple co-housing projects, where mixed-generation housing fosters mentorship and community bonds.

How to Build Stronger Bonds Across Generations

To move beyond generational tensions, we need proactive change. Studies, neighbors, friends, and common sense say that means:

• Encouraging mixed-age representation on neighborhood boards—and that includes scheduling meetings so that younger adults can attend
• Offering programs in communities and community centers, where younger and older people can work together, play together, and talk together
• Creating mentorship programs that provide an exchange of skills and ideas between generations
• Building more housing developments for intergenerational living
• Fostering relationships in which both younger and older individuals make an effort to understand and support each other.

“My community is very mixed, with older and younger families,” said Chris Swindells, a baby boomer. “Maybe it’s a ‘city’ thing, but I love my diverse neighbors.”

Maggie Downs, a GenXer, has enjoyed a similar experience: “When my son was born, we lived in a condo community in Palm Springs with mostly older retirees. But our neighbors doted on my son like he was their grandchild. The issue was never the people—it was the lack of family-friendly city infrastructure.”

Cynthia Kent, another person who identifies as part of Generation Jones, reflected on the value of intergenerational relationships in her own life: “I was closer to my grandmother than my mother. There was just something about a grandparent’s slower pace and presence. I can’t imagine not being that figure for my own grandchildren. But let’s not kid ourselves about the sacrifices that modern grandparents have already made. All of us worked, most of us full time, and not as attorneys or doctors or chancellors of a university. We were in subservient and ill-paid roles, but did what had to be done during the week. Then, on the weekends, we went to all the soccer practices and baseball games, and helped with science fair projects, and also shopped and cleaned the house and got everybody ready for the next week.

I understand a woman’s simple desire to have a little time just for fun, just to rest, and just to care for herself in the last portion of her life. My mother didn’t live long enough to ever meet my three children. I made it work, and now I get to be proud of that. Life is tough. Part of maturity is accepting that. Nobody is owed anything.”

At the heart of it all is choice—the ability to live where we feel comfortable and welcome, without the threat of being pushed out based on age. A strong community values all its members, fostering mutual respect across generations.

My own grandmother, Nana, did that for me and for my children—her great grandchildren. She lived to 107, and there wasn’t a year that went by that she didn’t delight in nurturing and celebrating young people. They felt the same way about her.

My advice to older and younger generations is to stop blaming one another for, well, everything. Try to see each other’s point of view and go from there—that’s the starting point. Throughout history, the older generation has thought the younger to be inexperienced, and the younger has thought the older to be irrelevant. These stereotypes don’t help us grow into a community rooting for each other. They just inhibit progress and understanding, both of which are imperative in today’s world. In a more perfect world, we’d stop labeling generations and just see the human in all of us.