When was the last time you went completely off the grid? Not the “let me check one more email” kind of quiet. I mean the real deal—phone off, door closed, world on mute. If you’re squirming just thinking about it, we need to talk.

Society has programmed women to be perpetually available. The 24/7 emotional support system, the chief problem solver and magic maker, the always-on life partner, mother, or grandmother. It’s exhausting and bad for your physical, mental, and emotional health.

Here’s a radical thought: What if regularly going quiet wasn’t just self-care but a revolutionary act of self-reclamation? What if your temporary absence wasn’t considered selfish but sacred?

The Science Behind Solitude and Silence

Before you dismiss this as some woo-woo wellness trend, let’s look at the science. Research shows that intentional positive solitude (not to be confused with loneliness) can enhance mental health, creativity, and self-discovery.

A recent scientific study by Noa Bachman, Yuval Palgi, and Ehud Bodner examined two significant personal resources: the skill of positive solitude and the 24 character strengths in the second half of life.

Their findings show that “the skill of positive solitude serves as a valuable resource for flourishing in the later stages of life.”

Another recent study by Micaela Rodriguez, Samuel Pratt, Benjamin W. Bellet, and Richard J. McNally found that “even people who report high levels of loneliness—and are thus more likely to experience the negative effects of solitude—may benefit from shifting how they think about being alone.”

Thuy-Vy T. Nguyen, PhD, principal investigator of Solitude Lab at Durham University in the U.K., is researching how solitude affects our emotions, thoughts, and internal experiences.

Her lab was founded in 2018 to uncover the true nature of solitude and challenge the social stigma associated with being alone.

Nguyen states, “Through our studies, we have identified a few benefits of solitude, including its ability to calm, rejuvenate, and promote self-reflection. When engaged proactively, solitude offers a valuable space for rest and relaxation, distinct from feelings of loneliness or isolation.”

Justin Zorn and Leigh Marz are the co-authors of Golden: The Power of Silence in a World of Noise. Their article in Time Magazine entitled How Listening to Silence Changes Our Brains highlights that “the world is literally louder right now than it’s been at any time in known history.”

Their research emphasizes that, “Across disciplines—from neuroscience to psychology to cardiology—there’s growing consensus that noise is a serious threat to our health and cognition. And that silence is something truly vital—particularly for the brain.”

Zorn and Marz have stated that silence is “a presence that brings clarity, connection, energy, and inspiration.” As someone who listens to silence a great deal, I wholeheartedly agree.

The Perks of Being Temporarily Unavailable

Susan Cain, author of the well-researched and highly regarded book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, emphasizes the importance of solitude for deep thinking, creativity, and personal growth. She argues that solitude is a “crucial and underrated ingredient” for creativity and self-reflection.

Cain also highlights how solitude allows individuals to reconnect with their core values and engage in profound introspection, which can be especially beneficial during major life transitions.

Here’s an example:

I felt utterly untethered when I decided to leave a 25-year corporate career in my mid-40s. The work had become exhausting and meaningless, but I had no clue what to do next.

The solution? I went quiet.

Not just for an afternoon but repeatedly for weeks. I replaced social obligations, “quick coffee catch ups,” constant email checking, and other noisy activities with as much quiet alone time as I desired. Just me, getting acquainted with myself again.

The results were transformative.

Clarity about my next chapter emerged in its own time without forcing it. My creativity, dormant for years, suddenly had space to breathe. I finally heard my own voice above the chorus of shoulds and musts.

Thanks to Cain’s work, I now allow myself to slow down, unplug, and savor as much solitude and silence as I need. Plenty of time to read, write, meditate, and go on silent wilderness hikes feeds my soul. It balances out the expectations of multiple relational roles and the noise of our chaotic 21st-century world.

Breaking Free from the “Always Available” Trap

Let’s be honest, though—setting boundaries and carving time out for yourself can be tricky. The thing is, it isn’t just about saying no to others. It’s about saying yes to yourself. So, if you could use a few ideas to get you started, here are some that have been helpful to me:

1. Start with a Silence Audit

Track how often you’re “on call” for others. Notice when you automatically reach for your phone. Identify your peak energy times for potential quiet periods.

2. Schedule Your Quiet Time

Block out sacred quiet time in your calendar. Treat it like any other non-negotiable appointment.

3. Create a Silence Sanctuary or Two

Designate a physical space for solitude. It doesn’t need to be fancy—a corner of your bedroom will do. The key is making it yours. In addition to my bedroom, walking in nature is a sanctuary for me.

4. Ease Into Extended Periods

Begin with 15 minutes of complete unavailability daily. No phone, no TV, no distractions. Just you and your thoughts—maybe your journal, art, or favorite craft. Build up to longer sessions. Consider a monthly “mini-retreat.” Work toward a full day (or more) of solitude quarterly if that feels right.

5. Set Clear Boundaries

Tell your people, “I’m taking quiet time for myself. Unless someone’s bleeding or the house is on fire, I’m unavailable.” Then, stick to it. Set up emergency protocols if needed. Be unapologetic about your need for solitude.

But What About…?

I can hear the objections now:

“But my family needs me!”

“What if there’s an emergency?”

“Won’t people think I’m being selfish?”

In case you need it, here’s your permission slip: You’ve spent decades being available. Your family will survive without immediate access to you. Emergencies are rare, and most “urgent” matters can wait a while.

As for being selfish? Maybe it’s time to reframe selfishness as self-preservation.

When women of our generation claim their right to silence and solitude, we do more than recharge our batteries. We model self-respect for our daughters and granddaughters. We challenge the narrative that women must always be accessible, nurturing, and giving without boundaries or rest.

Think about it: Choosing to unplug is a revolutionary act in a world that profits from our constant connectivity. It’s not just about avoiding burnout—it’s about building what psychologists call “self-differentiation,” the ability to maintain your sense of self and autonomy within relationships. I grew up without models for this, so it was a long, hard lesson for me to learn on my own.

Surprising Shifts When You Choose Yourself

I expected much-needed peace and quiet when I started my intentional solitude practices years ago. What I didn’t expect was the profound shift in how I now show up in the world.

My “yes” has become more meaningful because my “no” is stronger. My relationships have improved because I’m learning to stop being everyone’s emotional ATM. (Although I must admit this is still a work in progress.)

My curiosity and creativity have expanded because my mind has room to wander. My decision-making is more straightforward because I can hear my own wisdom.

Here’s another thing about claiming quiet time: The world doesn’t collapse without our constant attention. In fact, something magical happens when we stop being so available—people begin respecting our boundaries more.

Think of it as oxygen-mask wisdom: We can’t be fully present for others if we’re not first present with ourselves.

So here’s your invitation to the revolution: Turn off your phone. Close your door. Sink into silence. When you return, the world will still be there, but you might be different—stronger, clearer, more authentically you.

What’s the real cost of your constant availability—to your creativity, health, and sense of self? Is it time to stop paying that price?

When future generations of women look back, will they thank us for breaking the “always available” curse? What small act of unavailability can you commit to this week?

We would love to hear from you. Let’s get a conversation going in the comments.