Image: Kotryna Zukauskaite

Women over 50 are done playing nice. They’re breaking rules, taking risks, and putting themselves first—and they’re loving every minute of it.

“Can you please not hold hands or kiss in public? You’re freaking us out!” was the plea from her grown kids, said Tara, 55. Divorced for almost a decade, Tara had unexpectedly, uninhibitedly, and exuberantly fallen in love again—with a woman. “I sure didn’t see this coming, but I don’t care what my kids— or anyone else, for that matter—think,” she insisted. “I deserve this happiness. Deal with it!”

Welcome to the IDGAF (that’s “I don’t give a f*ck”) years. Whether it’s about whom you kiss, how you dress, or what your priorities are, women over 50 are tossing societal expectations overboard, reclaiming their space, and rewriting the rules in a rebellious new way.

Bye-bye, decorum! Hello, freedom, badassery … and perhaps a little bit of danger.

Why 50 Is the Perfect Age to Lose Your Filter

By the time we reach our 50s, we’ve been jumping through society’s hoops for decades. We came of age aspiring to “have it all”—remember this perfume ad? And, unlike younger generations who had the #metoo movement, we navigated those awkward “Won’t you join me for dinner?” workplace requests with a stilted smile. We’ve likely been up at 2 a.m. finishing work because we stayed home with a puking kid. We sat in misery as our elderly parent flunked the “remember these three words” test. We organized, analyzed, and completed whatever the world asked of us—only to wonder, “Where the heck am I in all this? What about me?”

This reckoning moment operates pretty much on a timetable: It’s called the U-bend of life. “Our sense of well-being starts out higher in early adulthood, then decreases, hitting bottom around the early 50s,” said Mindy Greenstein, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and co-author of Lighter as We Go: Virtues, Character Strengths, and Aging, before it climbs again. We come into our own in our 50s, having proved our mettle at juggling all of life’s responsibilities. Plus, we start recognizing our mortality. It’s the time to go full carpe diem (that’s “seize the day,” in case you’ve forgotten your Dead Poets’ Society dialog).

Also, becoming invisible (especially to the male gaze) as we age can light an IDGAF fire under our collective butts. “I call it the ‘no f*cks given’ stage,” opined Ashton Applewhite, an activist and author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism. “There’s no such thing as age-appropriate anything. We gain power by showing up where and how we want and by speaking our mind.” Yup, the time to rise, shine, and rebel against living for others is now—or never.

She Did What?!: Real Women, Real Risk, Zero Regrets

Need some examples of this untamed “me first” vibe? Check out how women like you are showing their IDGAF stripes.

Sexual Healing

• “Met a hot 40 year old at a jazz bar and proceeded to make out with him on many and various streets. Have been dating him for a year now, age difference be damned.” – Clare, 59

• “I left my husband for my high school boyfriend. Why would someone 65 break up the family? To finally be treated right and rediscover my libido. Best thing I ever did, even with all the heartache and friends I lost.” – Maggie, 66

Older and Bolder

• “Against my husband’s wishes, I went to Costa Rica and did ayahuasca, a powerful hallucinogen. It was horrible (endless vomiting) but life-changing and brought me peace with my traumatic childhood.” – Amy, 57
• “I tackled my biggest fear—public speaking—by trying stand-up. I’m there on stage, with no makeup, talking about my ex and other private matters, but I love it! The rush from nerves and dopamine is amazing!” – Gini, 65
• “I went to a nude beach in the Caribbean, my first time at age 60. Feeling the breeze, sand, and water over every inch of my skin was fabulous. It’s not just for the hard-bodied young folk to enjoy.” – Sandra, 62

From Peacock Hair to Vegas Ink

• “I’d wanted crazy-colored hair since I was a teenager but was too timid; what would people think? I hit 50 and didn’t care about that anymore. I now have a head full of peacock colors—purple, blue, and green. I don’t mind the stares a bit.” – Peggy, 58
• “We had my daughter’s 30th birthday celebration in Vegas, and guess who came home with a tattoo? Me! Can’t wait to get another one, and if you think it looks stupid on a woman my age, just don’t look in my direction.” – Alison, 64
• “I bought myself a ridiculously expensive handbag. I’m embarrassed to say the brand or the price, but I always wanted one, and, hell, I could drop dead tomorrow. My kids say I’m spending their inheritance, lol.” – Debra, 65

No More Biting Our Tongues

• “I called my son on the carpet for mooching off me and not getting his act together. He’s almost 30, living at home, and needed to get off his ass. I felt like a complete b*%ch at first, but now I’m really into tough love.” – Ali, 64
• “I shamed my ex on social media. He had affairs and cheated me out of money, and I hated how he came off smelling like a rose. Despite the messages in my head to stay quiet, I didn’t, and it felt sooooo good!” – Samantha, 57

Not quite ready to dye your hair peacock blue or run off with your high school sweetheart? Here’s how to dip your toe into the IDGAF waters.

Summoning Your Midlife Mojo When You’re Scared Sh*%less

Maybe you’re not one of these women who so easily dives into IDGAF-ness. Here’s how to flex a bit of fearlessness:

• You’re never too old. Interrogate the little voice that says you shouldn’t do it because of your age. “There’s always someone older or younger than you who is doing something,” said Applewhite. “Question beliefs that hold you back and whether they need to be followed.”
• Dare, don’t doubt. Accept that you’re doing something daring and it may not go just the way you hoped; it’s okay! Give yourself credit for taking risks. “By second-guessing ourselves, we often keep ourselves from either enjoying the world or from making mistakes that we’ll learn from over time,” said Dr. Greenstein.
• Get a partner in crime. Want a(nother) piercing? Enlist your grown kid to go with you. Ready to grow out your gray? See if any friends want to join, and support each other on the journey.
• Screw Debbie Downer. “Anyone is saying it’s not okay for you to do something—wear a bikini or whatever—is not your friend,” said Applewhite. “F*ck ‘em!”

Let that be the rallying cry of your IDGAF era. Go ahead and break some rules. Are you ready to finally put yourself first?

What’s the first rule you’d break? Drop it in the comments—and then go live with it.