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Boomer Women, We Need to Talk.
What’s with all the panic texts and doom scrolling? Aren’t we the same generation that marched for Women’s Lib and hurled mops, high heels, and bras into a freedom trash can? So why are we now clutching our pearls like everything’s falling apart?
Let’s break this down because your anxiety isn’t just about you. It’s contagious. It’s infecting your kids, your grandkids, and probably your book club. It’s time to unpack this and figure out how to stop passing all this worry on to the next generation.
Boomers: Blame Your Mom
Your anxiety has roots, and they’re buried in the Silent Generation—the stoic, tight-lipped women who raised you. (I realize that is a generalization, but lean into this with me for a moment.) These were the ladies who survived wars, ration books, and the crushing weight of “duty.” They didn’t talk about their feelings; they ironed them into crisp pleats and kept their emotions—and a whole lot of other things—to themselves.
My mom carried a constant undercurrent of tension. My dad worked unconventional hours, leaving her to juggle homemaking, child-rearing, and managing her own survival. She shouldered her responsibilities heavily, with frustration often bubbling to the surface. Her lows were sharp and, at times, hurtful. She didn’t show much love or empathy outwardly; she was stuck in survival mode. While I didn’t inherit her anger issues, I certainly picked up some adjacent neuroses that I now telescope onto my own kids, particularly my daughter.
Growing up during the Cold War didn’t help. Anxiety was baked into my childhood. Duck-and-cover drills, endless what-ifs, and existential dread about whether I’d even live to finish Little House on the Prairie left a mark. By high school, everything—from Driver’s Ed to attending a concert with friends—was riddled with a thousand questions. It’s no wonder I avoid making an unprotected left turn.
Boomers: Stop Messing Up Motherhood
I was on TikTok recently and watched a millennial lament about how her Boomer mother’s anxiety had completely amped up her own anxiety as a new mom. I watched the video and thought, OMG. Am I doing this to my daughter? While she doesn’t yet have children, I’m self-aware (most of the time) enough to realize that I occasionally try to “remote-control” her life.
Scrolling Reddit boards, I see that Boomer moms often get labeled as judgmental, passive-aggressive nags who struggle with boundaries. Ladies, this isn’t a good look.
I started informally tracking my conversations with my daughter to better understand my complicity. The verdict? I sound like this far too often:
• “Make sure you check ______________!”
• “Be careful you don’t ______________!”
• “Why did you ______________?”
Woof. How negative do I sound? It’s a wonder—and a testament to her patience—that she hasn’t just canceled me yet. Stepping back, I sound like a complete lunatic—or, at best, a real pain in the ass. But I don’t think this comes from mistrust, as many millennials believe.
When I nag the hell out of my daughter and play 20 questions before any trip, my concern has far less to do with mistrust and everything to do with my overreaching—borderline neurotic—need to keep her safe. Remember: I catastrophize.
I wonder if this is a mother-daughter thing, or do mothers of sons experience it too? I know I don’t grill my son anywhere near as much as I do my daughter. What is wrong with me? I hear myself say out loud, Come on, Susan, WTF.
And Now You’re Making Your Kids Anxious
Anxiety isn’t just a Boomer trait; it’s an heirloom we’ve unintentionally passed down. Helicopter parenting? Check. Guilt-tripping our 30-something for not calling enough? Check. Obsessively texting them headlines about interest rates, the dangers of plastic cutting boards, and the fact that cancers are on the rise among 30-year-olds? Triple check. It’s not intentional, but we are training the next generation to be as anxious as we are.
Second-Wave Feminism: The Gift That Keeps on Stressing
Remember the 1970s? Bell bottoms, Gloria Steinem, and the glorious promise that we could “have it all”? Yeah, that promise came with a price tag: perfectionism. We were told to smash glass ceilings, keep a perfect home, have a thriving career, and raise kids who’d get into Ivy League schools. Boom. I managed to check all those boxes. But at what cost? Was I career-focused enough? Mom enough? Sexy enough? Feminist enough? Strong enough? Tough enough? Enough enough? The pressure to perform at 110% in every damn area of our life hasn’t been particularly easy or liberating. Xanax, anyone?
Keeping Up with the Joneses and Anxiety
If the Silent Generation gave us stoicism, feminism gave us perfectionism, and consumerism delivered the anxiety trifecta. Boomers were the first generation spoon-fed glossy ads and catalogs promising that happiness could be bought. Yuppie reporting for duty. A flashy car, a bigger house, a carat-plus diamond ring—because nothing says “I love you” like lifelong debt. Keeping up with the Joneses morphed into keeping up with the Kardashians. Social media feeds the anxiety at every turn.
Retirement: Welcome to Your Identity Crisis
Oh, and then there’s the R-word. Retirement. I’m not too fond of that word because it sounds like we’ve been shipped off to a knitting circle in Boca Raton. After decades of being defined by our job title, our role as a mom, or whatever social badges we’ve collected, we’re now staring into the abyss of “Who am I if I’m not doing something?”
Why Now? Breaking the Cycle
The world is moving faster than ever. Post-pandemic pressures, economic fears, and constant bad news make it easy to cling to old habits of catastrophizing. But this moment also gives us a chance to pause, reflect, and redefine what aging looks like. Let’s break the cycle.
Here’s the thing: Your anxiety isn’t inevitable. It’s a deeply ingrained habit, sure, but a habit nonetheless. And habits can be broken. Want to stop freaking out over everthing, especially your adult children’s life choices? Start with these truths:
• You Don’t Control the World. Newsflash: Worrying doesn’t prevent disasters. It just robs you of joy.
• Let Your Kids Live Their Lives. They don’t need your running commentary on the housing market or their Tinder choices.
Take a step back.
Reclaim joy.
Remember hobbies?
Friends?
Learn how to self-soothe.
Anxiety thrives in the vacuum of purpose, so fill it with stuff that makes you happy. Model calmness. Want to help your kids and grandkids? Show them how to navigate uncertainty with grace instead of a meltdown.
Boomer Women: Redefine, Don’t Resign
You’ve done the career thing, the parenting thing, the activist thing. Now, it’s time to do you. Anxiety doesn’t have to be your legacy. Let’s turn this around.
Reclaim your joy. Trust your kids. And when anxiety creeps in, ask yourself: Is this the hill I want to die on? Probably not. So, choose calm. Choose trust. I sure as hell am going to try.
And remember: You’ve got this, and so do they.
Have your kids ever called you out for being “that mom”? Did they have a point, or did you brush it off?
What’s your take—are Boomer moms unfairly criticized, or is there some truth to this hot take?
I’m so glad to see your perspective on this! I am a millennial that was mostly raised by my boomer grandmas. They both were truly inspiring women. Both were born in Appalachia and they were not afraid of hard work. One grandma is a self-made, successful entrepreneur who eventually moved to “the big city,” and the other had a high-level position at the county courthouse. My “city” grandma currently has no chill about having to slow down and her misery is contagious. My other grandma recently passed away and I swear it’s because she repressed all of her sadness, anxiety, and fears over the years by burying herself in her career (and the repressed pain manifested in disease). I have so much compassion for Boomers because many achieved so much, but never learned that their value isn’t proportional to their productivity. It is very obvious that my “city” grandma’s anxiety about becoming irrelevant is ruining the final years of her life. She worked too hard not to savor her accomplishments, but she doesn’t really know another way and she didn’t have resources to learn about self-regulation (or self-care in general). I genuinely hope other women from my grandmas’ generation can open themselves to new solutions and new ways to feel valued and fulfilled (so they don’t have the same plight as my loved ones).
Morgan, Thank you so much for sharing your story and your thoughtful perspective. It sounds like your grandmas were remarkable women who paved the way for so much progress, not just in their own lives but for the generations that followed. I know so many women similar to what your describe. It’s clear that their influence shaped you in meaningful ways.
What you’ve observed about your “city” grandma and your other grandma’s experiences is so relatable for many women, like me, of the boomer gen. The drive to prove our worth through constant productivity was such a defining cultural expectation, especially for those of us who were breaking barriers in workplaces that weren’t always welcoming. But as you said so beautifully, that relentless push can sometimes overshadow the ability to slow down, reflect, and savor the benefits of all that hard work.
I love how you welcome and encourage women Boomers to find new ways to feel valued and fulfilled. You’re absolutely right that learning to self-regulate and embrace self-care can make such a difference, especially later in life. Conversations like these are so important because they remind us all—no matter the generation—that our worth isn’t tied to what we accomplish, but to who we are and the connections we build along the way.
Thank you again for sharing. Best, susan
This article really resonated with me! I quickly tracked my texts with my kids and sure enough they sound like the ones you described above! I will be on the look out to not fall in that cycle when I text them. Thanks Susan!
Hi Sally! So glad that it resonated with you. I didn’t realize it either, until I watched the TikToc. Now I try to check myself!