If you’re on the dating apps or think you should be, here’s what you need to know about online dating after 50: True stories and expert advice, plus the surprising new move for finding your match.

Insights From an Insider: What’s Really Going on With Apps for Online Dating After 50

Almost 20 years ago, I worked at Match.com as editorial director, and my mission was to normalize online dating. As hard as this may be to believe now, people were somewhat wary (ashamed, even) of going online; it smacked of desperation, as if there was something “wrong” with you if you couldn’t meet someone in real life (IRL).

How times have changed! Now, who isn’t online? But while it’s become the most popular way for people to meet, swiping on a stranger’s photo may still seem off-putting to some, especially those who came of age before the advent of mobile phones and apps. So if you’re in that demographic and are curious about going online, here’s what you need to know.

Real Women, Real Results: The Highs and Lows

Sarah*, 54, met her now-husband online, bonding after a couple of unexpected, Tinder-enabled sexual encounters. “I just wanted to get back in the saddle again, so to speak, after a long dry spell,” explained the St. Louis-based development officer. “But we really clicked in every possible way. I am eternally grateful that I found my person with a dating app.”

But there’s another side to the story. When Kathy*, 60, an advertising executive in San Francisco, and her long-term partner broke up a couple of years ago, everyone told her, “You’ve gotta go online.” So she did.

Now, however, she’s shuttered her accounts on the sites and decided it’s not a viable way to meet someone. “What a waste of time, energy, and good faith. I’m just going to live my happy life with great friends and interesting work and see what happens in terms of romance in the real world,” she said.

So what’s the real story about online dating over 50? Is it a smart way to meet someone? Or a time-sucking swamp of players and liars?

A Closer Look at Online Dating After 50

It’s no secret that online dating has become a hugely popular way for people to meet. According to SSRS poll data, 37 percent of U.S. adults reported using an online dating site or app (whether a paid or free version) at some point in their lives. And a chunk of those (36 percent) are over 50, which makes sense, given that the rate of divorce among those age 50+ is nearly 40 percent up from 27 percent in 2010, according to a study conducted in 2022.

Some people like Sarah get lucky in every sense of the word: A hot hookup led to marriage.

Other women, like Claire*, 53, a physical therapist in Hartford, Connecticut, say it’s a fun process, even if she hasn’t met someone who’s a long-term partner. “The end of my marriage almost two years ago was very painful, and so for me, meeting some nice guys, even if what I call ‘long-term lightning’ hasn’t struck, has been a good thing,” she stated.

Love, Lies, and the Age Gap Problem

But others, like Kathy, find the experience disheartening. “First of all, the guys I met lied about their age. They lied about their height. They lied about their weight,” she said. “I didn’t lie about anything. Dishonesty is never the way to start a relationship in my book.”

Beyond that, Kathy felt that ageism was an epidemic. “I’m happy to date a guy several years younger or older than me. But I feel as if every guy my age is looking for someone significantly younger and can likely find her,” she explained. “I found very few matches compared to my younger friends’ experiences.”

She discussed this situation with a guy friend of hers. His response? He told her to look for even older men to have more luck. “I was pretty annoyed by that,” Kathy said. “I mean, he’s 65 … what if I told him he should be dating women in their 70s? Do you think he’d go for that?! It’s like that scene in Something’s Gotta Give where Jack Nicholson will only date a woman young enough to be his daughter!”

Why Midlife Dating Is So Damn Complicated

Another factor: At this life stage, people can be busy. Like really, really busy. Valeria*, a 57-year-old fashion designer with a thriving business in NYC, said that it can be hard to build momentum. “I’m working all the time, and the men I’ve met are, too. We have kids, maybe grandkids, elderly parents, our friends, our fitness routine, travel … I see that guys struggle to prioritize dating. They cancel, they reschedule,” she observed. “And honestly, I wonder if I am truly ready for the kind of relationship I say I’m looking for.”

This ambivalence may turn up as love-bombing, when a date is mad about you until, very abruptly, he isn’t. “I’ve met a couple of guys with whom I had a few great dates, they say they’re crazy about me, ask me out again, text saying they can’t wait to see me again … and then vanish,” Valeria shared. (If it’s any consolation, even supermodel Paulina Porizkova said she was ghosted by guys on dating apps.)

While not a fun experience, Valeria didn’t get too hurt. “I was glad I felt that connection and excitement with someone,” she said, “but they showed me where they were in terms of serious dating and saved me from getting in deeper.”

Your New Playbook to Midlife Dating: Seven Moves to Hit the Mark

No doubt, it’s a lot emotionally and in terms of energy invested. Here’s advice on what can help you be better equipped to find satisfaction if you’re dating online after age 50.

• Know that it’s a numbers game. Don’t expect to meet your match on your first date or two. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a sociology professor at University of Washington and author of Online Dating After 50 for Dummies, among other books, met her husband online when she was in her 50s. Her advice: “No matter what age you are, you typically have to go on a lot of dates before you even find someone who’s in the ballpark. And when you’re older, you’re probably pickier, as it should be.” Be patient.
• Know what you’re looking for. “Are you looking for someone who will be fun to travel with or who will like your kids and grandkids and spend lots of time with them? Are you looking for someone whose personal and political values align with yours? Someone where there’s attraction and a lot of physical affection?” said Dr. Schwartz. “Be clear about what you really need.”
• Meet quickly. Do this ideally within two weeks of the first contact, and try not to invest too much time in texting or calls until you get together IRL. “My clients tell me, ‘I saw a profile and thought he was perfect for me, and we’ve been texting daily,’” observed Lisa Copeland, a love coach and dating expert for women over 50, “But remember: Thinking a guy is perfect is before you meet is about how you interpret an image and a few words about a person. You need to see them in real life to know if there’s any connection there.”

Valeria shared a story that bears this out. “I was texting with a hilarious screenwriter for a couple of weeks and was so excited to meet him, we had the best banter going,” she recalled. In person, however, “He was this shy, kind of depressed guy who didn’t match up at all with who I expected. It was a bad date, but I learned a vital lesson from that.”

Burn, Baby, Burn: A Smarter Way to Swipe

• Be selective. Maybe extremely so. Over the last year or so, what’s known as the Burned Haystack method, created by Wisconsin rhetoric professor Jennie Young based on her own experiences, has grown popular. In this technique, you find your needle in the haystack by, well, burning that haystack down. The goal is quality over quantity, obtained by “blocking to burn.” Instead of swiping left on someone you don’t feel is a good match for you, you go a step further and block them. This tells the dating app’s algorithm not to recycle this person and potentially show them to you again. You’re pushing the app to find you someone new.

In addition, Burned Haystack daters say they sidestep any flattering but generic messages (aka “Your smile makes me smile”) and they refuse to be pen pals—this is online-dating lingo for people who just want to text or chat without actually wanting to date or be in a relationship.

• Put your best photo forward. It really matters. Find your most talented friend to take pictures of you or hire a professional. Copeland said that bad, blurry, or otherwise less-than-stellar photos (such as ones with other people in the frame) can doom your profile to be passed over.
• Be careful. Pew Research Center data reveals that 47 percent of online daters over 50 believe they’ve encountered someone who was trying to scam them. Often, they try to perpetuate ploys that end with the woman falling into a long-distance relationship (LDR) and then sending her sweetie money (for a plane ticket to visit, say). Cut to the chase: They disappear with the cash. By pushing to meet IRL quickly, you can dodge this.

Also, on any date, make sure a trusted friend or family member knows where you’re going, when, with whom, and what your date’s name and phone number are. Always check in with this safety person after your date so they know all is well. And use common sense: Don’t meet a date for a hike in an isolated park. Don’t let them pick you up or drive you home. These are strangers.

• Be positive. “Don’t fill the glass too quickly with what’s wrong with a person you meet. Instead, try to focus on what’s right about them and see if you can deal with the rest,” said Dr. Schwartz. Being negative can be a way we protect ourselves and avoid the risk involved in seeking love. Remind yourself that there are good people out there, worth hunting for. “Later-in-life love stories happen all the time,” she explained. “I have one myself; don’t give up!”

Swipe fatigue is real. So is the chance at something better.
The only question left: How much BS are you still willing to put up with?

Still swiping? Sworn it off? Found the one?
Tell us where you’re at—and what surprised you most along the way.

*Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.