What’s the best, most inclusive, least eye-roll-inducing way to describe women “of a certain age”? If you have one, believe me, I’m all ears. The truth is, trying to label us without boxing us in feels like an impossible task. Swapping out words like “older,” “retired,” “mid-life,” “senior,” or “mature” all feel cringy, each word loaded with its own set of assumptions.
As I began working on Provoked, I set out to come up with a tidy tagline but failed—plain and simple. I challenged myself and my editors to find the right way to define my target audience—ahem, older women.
Ageism and Sexism Still at Work
Nice, polite, respectful names for aging women have eluded us for some time. Thankfully, words like spinster, old bag, hag, matron, and crone have mostly been retired. With the amount of experience, wisdom, and resilience women have shown, you’d think there would be a couple of respectful terms to describe women over 55.
Meanwhile, men get dubbed “silver foxes,” and yet the best they can come up with for us is “cougar” (the modern Mrs. Robinson) or her more vulgar sister, “MILF” (look it up). Supposedly, men age like fine wine—gracefully maturing and becoming more attractive with time? Anyone who’s been to a 40th high school reunion knows that ain’t true. Is this just another bullshit manosphere trope?
Even Gen X and Millennials are struggling. Their “Bossy” and “BossBitch” nicknames aren’t faring so well anymore—just ask Beyoncé.
The whole exercise of finding a “label” brought up some hard truths. For one, we’re still dealing with ageism and it’s cousin, sexism. It’s 2024, yet society still largely prefers us to be invisible past a certain age. We’re pressured to erase our laugh lines, hide our stories, and keep our wisdom tucked away, all in favor of a wrinkle-free, ageless aesthetic that’s exhuasting and fake. The fixation on youth isn’t just a phase; it’s a cultural obsession that hasn’t loosened its grip since the 1960s.
Why Even a Name Can Age Us
It’s not just the labels we use—our actual names can feel like flashing signs declaring our age to the world. Think about it: when did you last meet a baby named Susan? Or a toddler named Joan or Bette? Not likely. Names like mine were powerhouses in their day, inspired by movie icons like Susan Hayward, Joan Crawford, and Bette Davis. They were Hollywood’s leading ladies, and every mother in America wanted a little piece of that glamor, including my own.
Fast-forward to today, and “Susan” is heading toward extinction. In the 1960s, I was one of 44,000 new Susans in the U.S., just behind the name Mary in popularity. Now? The name has slipped off the charts almost entirely. Every Susan I know is well past 50; it’s like waving a neon sign the minute we introduce ourselves – Hello My Name is OLD LADY. It’s a biased age-marker we didn’t sign up for.
Why Labels Fall Short
Here’s the real rub: no single label can capture the depth, grit, and diversity of women over 55. Trying to find “the” word feels as futile as it does silly. We’re not defined by a single term; we’re a blend of wisdom, humor, and resilience. We are survivors of life’s bullshit,
(You can check out your name’s popularity and how it is trending here).
What term do you use to describe your age group?
Does your name give away your age the moment you introduce yourself and how does that make you feel?
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