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What’s the best, most inclusive, least eye-roll-inducing way to describe women “of a certain age”? If you have one, believe me, I’m all ears. The truth is, trying to label us without boxing us in feels like an impossible task. Swapping out words like “older,” “retired,” “mid-life,” “senior,” or “mature” all feel cringy, each word loaded with its own set of assumptions.
As I began working on PROVOKED, I set out to come up with a tidy tagline but failed—plain and simple. I challenged myself and my editors to find the right way to define my target audience—ahem, older women.
Ageism and Sexism Still at Work
Nice, polite, respectful names for aging women have eluded us for some time. Thankfully, words like “spinster,” “old bag,” “hag,” “matron,” and “crone” have mostly been retired. With the amount of experience, wisdom, and resilience women have shown, you’d think there would be a couple of respectful terms to describe women over 55.
Meanwhile, men get dubbed “silver foxes,” and yet the best they can come up with for us is “cougar” (the modern Mrs. Robinson) or her more vulgar sister, “MILF” (look it up). Supposedly, men age like fine wine—gracefully maturing and becoming more attractive with time? Anyone who’s been to a 40th high school reunion knows that ain’t true. Is this just another bullshit manosphere trope?
Even Gen X and millennials are struggling. Their “Bossy” and “BossBitch” nicknames aren’t faring so well anymore—just ask Beyoncé.
The great Helen Mirren, in a recent interview sends this message to anyone calling her ‘Sweet’: “F**k off. There’s something very condescending about some people’s attitudes and I think they think they are being kind and generous. But they’re not. They’re being insulting.”
The whole exercise of finding a “label” brought up some hard truths. For one, we’re still dealing with ageism and it’s cousin, sexism. It’s 2025, yet society still largely prefers us to be invisible past a certain age. We’re pressured to erase our laugh lines, hide our stories, and keep our wisdom tucked away, all in favor of a wrinkle-free, ageless aesthetic that’s exhausting and fake. The fixation on youth isn’t just a phase; it’s a cultural obsession that hasn’t loosened its grip since the 1960s.
Why Even a Name Can Age Us
It’s not just the labels we use—our actual names can feel like flashing signs declaring our age to the world. Think about it: When did you last meet a baby named Susan? Or a toddler named Joan or Bette? Not likely. Names like mine were powerhouses in their day, inspired by movie icons like Susan Hayward, Joan Crawford, and Bette Davis. They were Hollywood’s leading ladies, and every mother in America wanted a little piece of that glamor, including my own.
Fast-forward to today, and “Susan” is heading toward extinction. In the 1960s, I was one of 44,000 new babies named Susan in the U.S., just behind the name Mary in popularity. Now? The name has slipped off the charts almost entirely. Every Susan I know is well past 50; it’s like waving a neon sign the minute we introduce ourselves—Hello! My name is OLD LADY. It’s like walking around with a name tag that reads: “Hi, I’m Susan, and yes—I remember rotary phones, a biased age-marker we didn’t sign up for.
Why Labels Fall Short
Here’s the real rub: No single label can capture the depth, grit, and diversity of women. Trying to find “the” word feels as futile as it does silly. We’re not defined by a single term; we’re a blend of wisdom, humor, and resilience. We are survivors of life’s bullshit. Maybe the problem isn’t what we call ourselves. Maybe the problem is we still think we need a label at all.
(You can check out your name’s popularity and how it’s trending here.)
If you’re a fellow Susan, drop a comment and say Hello!
And let us know…
Does your name give away your age the moment you introduce yourself and how does that make you feel?
*This article has been edited and updated 08/26/2025
I didn’t have a class in grade school that didn’t have another Susan and a Debbie and Cathy/Kathy and Lisa. I have a friend of similar age and she named her daughter Susan, but that’s the only one I know who wasn’t born in the Sixties. I feel like our name is going the way of Blanch, Edythe and Ethel.
#SusanSolidarity
#SusanSolidarity! You’re so right—every classroom seemed to be packed with Susans, Debbies, and Kathys. And now we’re watching our name slowly slide into the “grand dame” category alongside Blanch and Ethel. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing, though—those names carry a certain gravitas. Here’s to keeping Susan alive and well! —susan
I’m Ellen and I’m 68 years old. I used to think that my name was old and dowdy when I was a child because many of my friends were named Debbie, Susan and Lisa. In my Brooklyn neighborhood we had many Marie/Marias, Christinas, Angelas and Maureens, Cathys and Annes. I gave my daughters what I felt were good, old, sturdy, traditional names — Sarah and Jessica — which I felt would stand the test of time and it seems like they have. Do I think my name gives away my age? I would assume so — I’ve hardly met any Ellens in my lifetime, to be honest. I had a burst of recognition when Ellen DeGeneres was popular, but alas, cancel culture did away with her popularity. Now, in this stage of my life I am content with a name that has served me well — even if it felt a bit odd when I was younger. I do wonder how the generations of how the Willows, Sprites, Bennettes, Braxtons (I can’t help but think of Braxton-Hicks), Jamesons, Jepsons, Jaxons and others will fare in the future.
Hi Ellen- I love how you’ve traced your name’s journey alongside your own. It’s funny how what felt “dowdy” or out of step when we were young can settle into something dignified with time. Sarah and Jessica really did prove to be timeless choices— And you’re right, every generation thinks it’s cracked the code with their “trendy” names.. until 40 years from now, when those names carry all the same cultural weight ours do now. Your point is such a reminder that names tell their own story of fashion, culture, rebellion, and longevity. Thanks for sharing. —susan
I can’t get a new job, or even an interview. I know my name gives away my age, and my experience can help piece that together, as well.
Debbie, That’s such a real and painful point—names and résumés can be age giveaways before you’ve even had a chance to get in the room. It’s maddening that experience gets treated like a liability. You’re not imagining it—ageism is alive and well, and it often hides behind something as simple as a name. Thank you for naming it out loud here. —susan
As legend has it, when Adam and Eve were banished from paradise, Eve’s tears fell to the ground and lilies bloomed. Susan is Hebrew for Lily. The name Susan reminds us that beauty can spring from adversity.